


you gotta step into the daylight and let it go

by GilgaNyan (NarryEm)



Series: Fiction/Grand Order [1]
Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Letters, M/M, Other, Post-Canon, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 05:43:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20371654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryEm/pseuds/GilgaNyan
Summary: And I can still see it all (In my mind)All of you, all of me (Intertwined)I once believed love would be (Black and white)But it's golden (Golden)And I can still see it all (In my head)





	you gotta step into the daylight and let it go

**Author's Note:**

> title, summary, and intro and outro adapted from "Daylight" by Taylor Swift.
> 
> Taylor has a new album out, which means it's time to get inspired and write tonnes of stuff!!!

  
  
  


My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in. Everyone looked worse in the light. There were so many lines that you have crossed unforgiven.

You wanted to tell me the truth, but never goodbye.

  
  
  


~

  
  
  


Perhaps it all started on that fateful day.

I was recruited to the facility of Chaldea and got a little bit lost finding my assigned room. Imagine my surprise when I found a grown man lounging on the bed with snacks gathered around him like a nesting bird.

You quickly introduced yourself as Dr. Romani Archaman and I did the same. Our initial meeting did not last long for disaster was about to strike us. 

The Grand Order commenced with a bang, to say the least. Most of the staff were injured to lost their lives in the explosion and I was about to meet the same end alongside Mashu. Had it not been for Galahad, who knows what would have become of humanity. He saw my selflessness as an act of gallant bravery and decided to pass his powers on to Mashu. 

We managed to Rayshift to Fuyuki and it was there that we learnt of what had befallen our world. The Heroic Spirits we met there were formidable allies and foes. I was but a mere fledgling suddenly thrust into a war I had no chance of winning by myself. Thankfully, we had the great Irish hero Cú Chulainn helping us along the way. He complained about not being a Lancer but truth be told, he kicked major ass as a Caster as well.

With each Singularity that we travelled to, we learnt more and more of the Mage King’s plans. We also met many Heroic Spirits summoned into different eras and regions each from different cultures and unique personality. It was fun, in a way. The nights spent under the stars were like I was out camping with friends. 

At Orléans of 1431 soon after the death of Jeanne D’Arc, we came across not only one resurrected Jeanne but her alternate self as dreamt up by Gille de Rais. I will admit that as a kid, I thought that dragons were cool creatures. Seeing them up close, however, helped me rethink a few things.

The Dragon Witch was as fearsome as she was beautiful and merciless. We got to a point where I was almost trampled by a wyvern but we had a few dragons (and dragon-like Servants) of our own. Mashu and I could have ended up as dragon chow if not for the heroes we met there.

Septem, or the old Rome of 60 A.D. was a unique expression. It was the second time that I encountered a famous figure from a legend that turned out to be a woman. I don’t know why Nero was so confident that her ‘crossdressing’ outfit worked. Maybe people around her went along with here wishes since her words were absolute as the emperor.

It was odd that Boudicca was on the same side as Nero. 

The whole time, I expected Boudicca to turn on us and reveal herself to be the final boss of sorts. Nothing of the sort happened, miraculously enough. We had to go against some of the Roman emperors and met Lev again. It was Altera, or the nefarious Attila the Hun, who slashed him in half before facing us. I don’t know where she appeared from and she wasn’t big on divulging either.

Our next mission took us to the middle of an ocean in the midst of a ferocious storm. We found out that the notorious pirate Francis Drake (who also turned out to be a woman) already had her hands on the Holy Grail. We had to fight against Blackbeard and the Argonaut a few times until our mission was over.

Perhaps I should have figured out that something was up. You refused to show your face ever since David joined our little group. You even tried to make your voice sound funny during the comms. I thought little of it at the time but I should not have. Not if I knew that it would cost me this heartache now.

Before this whole thing dropped on me, I had dreamed of travelling the world. Of course, Rayshifting to Singularities to save the world hardly counted as a vacation but it was still a trip regardless.

Mordred was not a typical knight that you would find in fairytales. They were coarse, foul-mouthed, and did not give a damn about fighting with honour as a knight. Instead, they fought like a wild beast under the moonlight. 

I also met some of the most renowned authors in history: Shakespeare and Andersen. It was kind of scary watching them rejoice at the sight of burning books and research papers. Maybe it was what they call poetic justice that they were the ones to set fire to some of the valuable tomes in the underground vault.

It was also in London that we stood off against Solomon for the second time. He belittled our efforts, calling us fools for trying in vain to uproot his plans. He threw a Demon God Pillar at us just so he could disappear into the darkness like a coward.

By the time we got to the American Singularity, I was sort of getting used to the lifestyle of Rayshifts. Sure, it was exhausting and I was literally risking my life at each mission. However, knowing that everything I did was to ensure the continuation of humanity gave me the strength to soldier on. After all, all that I wanted was to survive and live on.

Both you and I could see that each mission was taking a bigger toll on Mashu’s body. As a human artificially created for the sole purpose of a possessive fusion with a Heroic Servant, her body was not meant to last the average human lifespan. It saddened me and I know it saddened you as well, doctor.

The fifth Singularity had transformed the North American continent into a stage for the re-enactment of various mythologies. The continent was split into factions of east and west, each led by the Celtic Queen Medb and the President King Edison. (I know; it’s bizarre and it will never make sense to me either.) Heroes from Indian epics had also joined different sides, mainly Karna from Mahabharata with the Americans and Arjuna, the protagonist of Mahabharata with the Celts. 

We found Rama mortally wounded and he, alongside Florence Nightingale, teamed up with us. We were successful in convincing the Americans to wage war against the Celts. We saw a couple of familiar faces and they fought with us marvelously.

I could tell that Da Vinci knew something was up with you. She was so adamant about coming with us to Jerusalem, after all. I first chalked it up to boredom after being stuck at a fortress hidden deep in Antarctica. I was so wrong, of course.

That time in Camelot was the first time I came face to face with Divine Spirits. I had learnt of pharaohs in school, but seeing them as divine beings at the end of the world was quite the experience. Ozymandias was a charismatic King who ruled as he saw fit. The Goddess Rhongomyniad, however, was fundamentally flawed in the way we defined good and evil, and those who were worthy of salvation and those who were not. 

It was ultimately up to Bedivere, the only Knight of the Round Table who was not tainted by the gift bestowed by the goddess, to force the king to see the wrong in her ways. I honestly thought that I was going to get blown away from the rebound energy of all the Noble Phantasms being unleashed around me. 

In the end, it was another Singularity restored and we were one step closer to putting an end to the Incineration of Humanity.

I think even I knew that you were up to no good as time came around for us to prepare for the seventh and final singularity. Or perhaps it is my wishful thinking acting up.

It was in Uruk that I began to see true hope. It was in the bright eyes of the citizens of Uruk; it shone in the blue skies that overlooked zealous people; it radiated from the warring goddess each of whom had a different means to save humans.

It was also in Uruk that I met exquisite people. 

Needlessly to say, King Gilgamesh was one of those people. Maybe part of why I was so mesmerised is due to his high-ranking charisma skill. It is said that his level of charisma is more akin to a curse than it is a leadership quality. I’m sure that he had his share of fun toying with me, fully exploiting the fact that I was not immune to his allure.

Ishtar, the goddess of beauty and war, was another exquisite being that I had the pleasure of meeting. She was a demi-Servant borrowing the body of a girl who was deeply involved with the Holy Grail, she explained.

We came face to face with the most fearsome foe yet: Tiamat. 

On one hand, I could understand and sympathise with her anguish. She simply wanted to take back what she had lost after her own children turned on her and cast her aside. However, if humanity were to be wiped out, we had no future to return to.

We were able to defeat Tiamat only through sacrifices and invaluable friendship. Death was not a new concept to me at this point but it still hurt me nonetheless. Especially when I saw the same person, the beloved King of Uruk, die multiple times. He made his glorious return, of course, during our final stance against Tiamat. He was beauty and power incarnate, his scarlet eyes ablaze with bemusement and malice towards the enemy.

At the time, we had no way of knowing that our time with you was running short by the second. When we returned from what we thought was our final Rayshift, you welcomed us home as usual. You smiled your usual smile as you ushered us to the medical bay and ran the usual tests. You kept up the usual small talk to distract me from the sting of the needle and gave me the usual lollipop once the check-up was done.

They say there is no rest for the wicked but in truth, there is no rest for the righteous either. We were in for a serious time crunch for Solomon had succeeded in locating us. The moment we located his Timeless Temple, we had our fate sealed for us.

And for you, that spelled the end of your human life.

Mashu and I made our trek to the temple and to everyone’s surprise, you appeared. You, a human without any magical prowess. You had to gull to reveal to everyone that you were, in fact, the real King Solomon.

Your true from was beautiful in a spine-chilling way. Gone was your fluffy ponytail, replaced by a neat white braid and your pale skin now dyed a deep shade of tan. You had these tattoos that looked a lot of magic circles and Command Seals throughout your entire body. Your eyes no longer welcomed me with warmth but instead looked on with cold determination and quiet resolution.

I will never forgive you for the stunt you pulled, Doctor Roman. You unleashed your Noble Phantasm and made it possible for us to defeat Goetia. But it was at the cost of your human existence. You一who was born a completed King and never had the chance to enjoy life as a human一willingly sacrificed what you desired most for the sake of humanity. For the survival of humanity and hope, you gave up all that was dear to you.

It’s been several days since that fateful fight, doc. It’s not fair just how clear the skies have been since that day. Mashu and I have been able to see the nighttime sky full of stars and moon many times now. We wanted to see this with you; when Mashu said that she wished to see the skies outside, she meant that she wanted to do that with you by her side.

The dawn is breaking now. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the sight of the morning sun burning up the frozen horizon as it rises slowly but steadily. It is the opposite during the twilit hours. The frozen lands seem to swallow up the dimming sun as it sinks beyond the horizon.

Maybe it’s all the Heroic Spirits, the echoes of past legends and glory, that got me contemplating what I would be like after my own passing. Would I be remembered by the few here at Chaldea as the hero who saved humankind? Or would I be memorialised as the kid next door who was good and king.

I do know one thing for sure:

I want to be defined by the things that I love, not the things that I hate. Not the things I am afraid of, or the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. I just think that you are what you love.

And that is you, doctor.

**Author's Note:**

> well now that that's off my chest, I'm gonna go write other sobfest stories.
> 
> follow me on [tumblr](www.gilganyan-24.tumblr.com) for occasional fic updates and random fandom chaos.


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